Recently my boyfriend, that I had been living with for a year, left me.  I always believed in God but I never fully gave my life to him. There were times here and there in my life when I did, but I always ended up falling back into sinful habits. Hence why I was living with my boyfriend.

I was so alone and vulnerable when I met him. I was so broken and full of darkness. I was so desperate to find “love” to fill the gap in my heart and that’s what I tried to do. What I didn’t know at the time is that God saw my heart. He saw the fragile state it was in and the agony it felt every day. I had no idea that he had a plan to provide me with the tools and path for it to be fully healed, so I decided to do it my own way.

I went down a very dark road for a few months. I took part in things that I don’t believe in. I just wanted to fit in and be accepted after being alone for so long. I spent many nights crying out for forgiveness only to find myself falling into the same sinful acts the next day. It became my life. I didn’t know anything else.

I have lost many friends and had multiple relationships fail. Every single time I am left picking up the broken pieces of my heart. There were times when I thought I was giving my problems to God, except I had my own idea of what the solution should be. When things didn’t move when I thought they should or how I thought they should, I would take my own way.

I wish I knew back then it wouldn’t ever work out. If I had just let go I would have saved myself so much despair. This time will be different. God is guiding me home and I am following right behind him.