This path is not easy. The waiting. The unknown ahead. The doubt.

At first It all seemed so clear. Have faith, live right and everything will turn out okay, right? But when? How long will it take? How many times will you fail along the way? If you do fail, is that it?

In the beginning of this journey I was overflowing with hope and joy. I was thankful for my new opportunity to live life the way God intended. I was excited about what was to come.

 After a while it slowly started to fade, the light in my heart began to dim again.

I became discouraged over this lack of fulfillment and without even realizing, began seeking it elsewhere. I was drawn to anything that brought excitement and adrenaline. As I made more and more decisions with the mindset of “just this once” or “I won’t go too far” the bond between God and I was slipping away. The joy I was receiving from worldly satisfaction was clouding my true emotions and before I knew it, I was becoming the same old person I once was. The person that walked a dark path for many years due to destructive choices.

So, now what? Is this the end? Am I truly destined for this life? After so many attempts at change only to find myself back at the bottom. The lies in my head that this is the only possible ending became so loud it’s all that is heard.

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6

I am holding this verse close to my heart today as the feelings of failure rush over me. The desire to give up and resort to old habits has a firm grip on my soul.

But it’s not over yet. I am still here. I will keep failing, but I will keep getting back up. However many times it takes, I will keep going.